Confessions of a Pregnant Figure Athlete

"I remember when I first set my sights to compete in figure, to train for a whole new purpose, to be an athlete again, I LOVED IT!  At the time my girls were 4 and 2 and friends would say you must be done with kids, why would you ruin all that hard work? My answer was always well were not sure but maybe yes, maybe no. I always prayed that if we were to have another baby God would put my husband and I on the same page at the same time. In the meantime after my wife, mother, and part time personal trainer job, training to be competitive at figure was my goal.

Three shows in less than a year later and time off to build we were ready for baby #3.  And even after these 9 months of pregnancy  I admit I still think about the stage, training, shoulders, and the bling!  

Finally both ready for another baby I knew I would miss where all my hard work had gotten me. Knowing my body and past pregnancies I go from fit athlete to preggo mama fast, and that's hard for me. I don't look like I feel, I don't move like I did, and my idea of strong is to get in a decent workout and clean the house in one day and not be dying of pain. 

Before this pregnancy  I questioned if I wanted to compete still. I am an advocate of training to be strong not perfect, strong not skinny, and strong because I love to be. Being on stage and JUDGED by others just on what they see on stage is a struggle to me at times. The judges don't see the workouts, the sweat, and the personal records set along the way. Hair, makeup, stage presence, it's all judged, ugh. I just love the goal of being better, the idea of training to really bring up shoulders or glutes and the science that goes behind that. After this time off I know I'm made to compete, maybe not always at figure but that's sure as heck where I'm going to start. 

At this point I see it as just another challenge. I could say well those days are behind me why even try, or I gave it a good go and never placed first why subject myself to that again?  Because I AM MADE TO PUSH THE LIMITS!  I love having something to work toward, to prove all those negative voices in my head wrong, and to show that being pregnant and a new mom is a chapter of life not a permanent destination. Regardless of what the judges see it will always be me against me.  The stage is about 15 minutes of time for months of work, the journey has always been worth it.  Just like with pregnancy, it takes a whole chapter of life to bring the new baby to the world but it's not the only chapter. Now I get to write a new chapter with our newest blessing from God.  Who knows if I will be ready for the stage a year after he's born or two, I just know for sure now there is always room to be better, stronger and braver with each new endeavor. 

So here are some confessions I've struggled with during this pregnancy knowing my post baby goals. Will my belly button go back to normal (ended up with an umbilicial hernia and surgery is coming), will I have stretch marks this time, how tired will I be with the routine we have established plus a nursing baby at night?  HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE ME TO AT LEAST GET WHERE I WAS?  Will my ass be round again, I'm older and this is third time around, will I STILL HAVE WHAT IT TAKES? 

All these things I don't know but I do know God has put something in me that knows how to try.  Something that knows I won't be happy letting those fears and thoughts of starting over defeat me. I set out to compete as a personal goal, to push myself, to attain a look I had never had.  Win or lose, a bikini on stage or at the beach, having another baby is just another reason to work harder, want it more and at least win or fail trying!  

Set backs are just an oppurtunity for an awesome comeback!  I can't wait to say I've comeback, to thrive through this chapter and not be that tired worn down momma we always get portrayed as!!